Today I want to talk about something that may be a bit controversial. It’s the idea of work life balance.
If you Google work life balance, you’ll find a ton of information, data, and opinions on what this means. My favorite headlines? Anything that suggests that achieving work life balance is easy.
Here’s what I think.
Throwing out the words work life balance is doing us a great disservice.
Consider what saying that might feel to someone who is living a life that is so chock full of stressful to do’s, tasks, and caretaking that just securing a few minutes to take a shower can be an anxiety-riddled event.
Take working moms, for example. As many of you can relate, my work never seems quite done. Even when I’m sleeping, I’m dreaming about who I need to take care of, what I have coming up, and what needs to be done the next day. My sleep is anything but restful.
And during the day? I am running like a chicken with my head cut off, jumping task-to-task with wife, mom, and household duties while running a business at the same time. All while carrying a mental load that is almost at an unbearable weight.
I don’t share this for people to feel sorry for me. I love my life and my family, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Hearing the phrase work life balance hurts me. And I believe it’s hurting others, too.
It does nothing to improve my mental state. In fact, I would challenge the idea that just saying these words is enough to cause more undue stress.
Why? Because I don’t think balance exists in the way our brains tell us it should look like.
Balance on its own gives me this vision of a scale. In a balanced scenario, that scale should be perfectly balanced with the weight of our work life on one side and the weight of our personal life on the other.
That visual of trying to achieve such a thing – especially as an OCD perfectionist – makes me feel exhausted, defeated, and like an utter failure on every level.
I can’t imagine I am the only one that feels this way.
So here is what I am in favor of. Rather than talking about some magical idea of balance, why don’t we shift the conversation.
Let’s start using phrases like quality of life.
I want to focus on what I can do to make my heart, my mind, and my body feel fulfilled, happy, and stress-free. I want to focus on the quality of what I do in a day rather than the balance of it.
Maybe it’s semantics to some. For me, I believe that changing the tone and direction of work life conversations can and will have an immediate and positive impact for many of us. Everything in my body tells me that removing the word balance from the conversation lifts the pressure off our shoulders and changes the course of the stories we tell ourselves.
Our minds, our bodies, our lives – they’re important. We can do hard things. Let’s respect ourselves and each other by doing those hard things with grace, kindness, and patience.
I’d love to know what you think about all this. Share your thoughts and stories with me in the comments below.
Ladies, if you haven’t heard this yet today, let me be the first one to tell you.
You are an incredible being. You can do amazing things. You can do hard things. You make this world a better place. You are responsible for so much and I am here to thank you for all that you do. You are appreciated. You are wanted. You are worthy. You are loved. I see you. I hear you. I am grateful for you.
I also want you to know, I have your back.
The world can be a cruel place. Moments happen that seem so unfair. Without warning. Without explanation.
But you know what helps get us through?
Each other.
Today, on International Women’s Day, let’s all make this pledge to each other.
I see you. I hear you. I’ve got your back.
On any given day at any given moment, we don’t have a clue what the person next to us is going through. We have a choice in how we treat each other.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”Behind every successful woman is a tribe of amazing women lifting her up in power and light. @msheatherpiazza #womensday #internationalwomensday #womenempowerment” quote=”Behind every successful woman is a tribe of amazing women lifting her up in power and light.” theme=””]
I believe that we can all make these choices, even if we are going through hard times ourselves.
I believe in you.
And I believe in myself.
Together, we can make the world in which we live in a kinder, more compassionate place. 💛
In honor of International Women’s Day, I have two things I would like to share with you.
First, it’s giveaway time!
I’m giving away some of my favorite inspo products! One lucky lady will receive my Strong Woman latte mug, mantra pencils pack, and stickers (She Can Move Mountains, I am Meant for Big Things, Don’t Give Up, I am Enough, and Create Your Life).
Here’s how to participate! Visit my Instagram account (@msheatherpiazza) starting today, March 8, 2021. Each action you take below will give you a single entry into my giveaway drawing. The more actions you take, the more entries you will receive, which means more chances to win!
One of the things I am most passionate about is making sure mamas have a designated space to do their work when they work from home.
Many think you need to have an actual office. But, here’s the truth. You don’t.
What you actually need is a space that works for you. A space that is quiet when you need it to be quiet. One that functions the way you need it to function. A space that feeds you emotionally – giving you the inspiration and motivation you need when you need it most.
Here’s the thing. Your working space is yours and yours alone. There is no need to compete with anyone else. You can get just as much work completed in a small space as a large one.
The point is that you have a space you can go to each day where you feel like you are an absolute powerhouse.
You can make a desk pretty much anywhere. Of course, personal touches go a long way to making your space special for you.
Work from home space #1: The living room nook
If you have a small home or are out of options to place an office in a bedroom or loft, consider your living room. If you already have a separate family room, this option may be a no-brainer for you. By using a larger space like a living room, you create the option to add additional workspaces if they are needed for your family.
The corner of your guest room can become a great place to set up your workplace, especially if you keep it modular. This desk option is a simple wooden top set across two sturdy, wooden sawhorses. Due to the minimalistic approach, it is easy to take down or convert if the space is needed to accommodate your guests. I must add… simple really is beautiful!
Sometimes our bedrooms are made for more than sleeping. In my 10 years of consulting work, I’ve been known to take refuge in a bedroom or two. In a home where space is hard to carve out for work, this may be the best option for you. Add furniture that complements your space to help keep that cozy feeling. Add a paneled room divider or be creative with curtains in order to add an element of separation. Adding plants also softens the space and helps take the attention away from cold, computer hardware.
Yes, you heard me right. The cloffice, also known as the closet office, is a fantastic option. Before we converted our guest bedroom into my office, I had a cloffice. The cloffice is where I started my marketing consulting firm 10 years ago. Our cloffice is still alive and well today. The desk and shelves that we built remain. It now houses our files, printer, and my old iMac which my kids now use for school. When we have guests, we close off the area by closing our white, linen curtains that are hung inside the closet by a pressure rod. If a cloffice is something you’ve contemplated, go for it!
Make the most of an empty space in your hallway or entryway with a floating desk, shelves, and a comfy chair. Bonus if you have a window! Creative organization and minimal decor can help turn an empty, unused space into a working haven. Add a computer and you’re ready to go.
I am all about allowing a space to work for you in different ways. There is no better use of a small space than adding convertible pieces that allow for multiple uses of an area. For instance, consider hanging a floating desk like this one. Not only does it act as a desk when it is folded out, it doubles as a super cool chalk board to add reminders, quotes, or artwork. And it includes cubbies and shelves for storage!
I am not one to candy coat things. I believe in authenticity and honesty. I believe that you get more by being direct than circling around what you really want to say. Life is too short for us not to just come right out and say what needs to be said, right?
Now that I’ve put that out there, I’m going to share a secret that not every work from home professional will admit.
Working from home can be lonely. The kind of loneliness that can kill my focus, motivation, and drive even when there is so much work to be done. At times, it’s absolutely debilitating.
Most of us, including myself, didn’t start out working from home. Chances are that you, like me, worked in an environment full of people. Whether it was on your feet serving customers in a retail store, running from table to table at a restaurant, or sitting in a far-too-small cubicle in an office, we spent part of our lives working for someone else in a place that wasn’t our home.
For me, there is a huge difference in working from home as a solopreneur than working as part of a larger team in a shared space.
During those times I was oddly comforted by the sounds of others, especially when I entered corporate office working environments. The talking, whirring of copy machines, opening and closing of doors, tapping of keyboard keys, and the steps of my co-workers served as my background music.
I miss it.
Personally, this last week has been harder than most. Though I have a lot on my plate and desperately want to crank through it all, just sitting down at my desk puts me into this awful loneliness state.
Seriously… yuck. I hate this feeling.
I know I am not alone. YOU are not alone. I have spoken with so many of you who have shared these same exact feelings with me. Maybe we should start a support group (kidding, but not kidding).
Here’s the thing. We can sit here in our misery and feel sorry for ourselves. Believe me, it’s a choice, and I’ve sadly made it once or twice. Did it make me feel better to do that? No. Though I absolutely gave myself grace, I also realized that sitting in those feelings just made it worse for me. When I am that low, I know I need to dig deep to figure out a solution that helps me move on.
If I can do it, you can do it. We are powerfully creative and resilient beings. We are more than capable of turning those lonely feelings around. Not only are there ways to shake out the negativity, we can also pivot out of our sad and slow working time into one that is upbeat, positive, and productive.
I don’t know about you, but saying it out-loud already makes me feel better.
Here are five of my favorites ways to get back into the game.
1. Get the music pumping.
Turn on any music that will get you out of the funk. I am a fan of so many different genres. It really depends on my mood and what I need in that moment. Something energetic like 80’s hits, 90’s hair bands, and classic hip hop pulls me right back into the now. Once I’m there, I use my good friend Alexa to help me adjust my tunes and volume accordingly so that I can continue pushing through with positive momentum.
2. Get out of your office.
I’m serious. Get out of your office! In fact, get out of your house. Sometimes loneliness is purely a symptom of being cooped up inside by yourself for too long. Go for a run or take your furry office mate out for a short walk. Better yet, plan ahead and schedule a hike or bike ride with a friend. Getting away from your desk will do wonders to re-energize your brain, clear your head, and make your body feel happy.
3. Call a friend.
This is one of my favorites. Many of my friends are solopreneurs, too. They totally get what I am experiencing day in and day out. The best part – they are usually just as eager as I am to talk to another human. I love a good walk and talk (a powerful combo of #2 and #3!). In times when I need to see someone’s face, but don’t have time for a meet-up, Zoom works in a pinch.
4. Organize and clean up.
One of my superpowers is organization. I can organize the hell out of pretty much anything. The best part? It makes me feel SO good! There is something about taking a messy space and turning it into a beautiful functioning one. It doesn’t just have to be a space, either. Some of my happiest, most creative moments have been when I grab my bullet journal and organize my week. Knowing what is coming up and what I want to accomplish is so helpful in setting me up for a successful work session.
5. Meditate.
Last, but certainly not least, is the power of meditation. When I practice, I experience clarity in the most powerful ways. It’s down right magical. In a matter of five minutes of meditation, I can go from feeling my lowest to feeling calm and ready to work. Like I have a purpose. Like I am no longer lonely. I have practiced meditation successfully in different ways. From sitting cross-legged while listening to guided meditations to lying on my back in the absolute quiet. Meditating each day is a goal of mine for this year. I highly recommend you make it one of yours, too.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how hard this season has been. Especially for us working mamas.
If you’re lucky, the only thing that you are challenged with right now is maneuvering safely and sanely through the restrictions surrounding our current pandemic.
I say lucky with heavy sarcasm.
I’m going to guess that 99% of you are more like me. These past twelve months included a variety of hideous events that rocked us in ways we didn’t think possible. COVID-19, wildfires, hurricanes, wind storms, dust storms, extreme weather, power outages, job losses, deaths, murder hornets (murder hornets!!), and the list continues.
We know that when it rains, it pours. However, in 2020, the pour felt torrential and never-ending.
Because that wasn’t enough and because we love the torture (again… heavy sarcasm here)… enter distance learning.
By far, distance learning has been one of the hardest experiences of my parenting life. Just when I feel like I have a handle on the situation, I stumble and fall right back into a rut. As a genetically-blessed anxious being, ruts are not where it’s at for me.
Up and down. Sideways and under. No wonder its called the coronacoaster.
Watching my children struggle was like having my heart ripped out over and over and over again. Our emotions echoed the motions of coaster… Extreme highs, tormenting lows, and meh moments in between.
Then there was work. Running my own business in the middle of a pandemic, while supporting my kids through their distance learning journeys.
I’m not going to candy coat this. It has been an utter and complete shit-show. Not only am I exhausted, there are long periods of time where I feel completely unmotivated and tremendously sad as I feel my creative light wane.
I’m sure I’m not alone when I share that my business suffered. My clients’ budgets were slashed which left little to no room for hiring consultants like myself. My existing contracts were cut in half or eliminated completely.
I was so stressed and felt completely alone.
In the midst of trying to figure out how to pivot my business while my husband was called to work long hours outside of our home, I was left balancing distance learning, kid activities, house chores, and pet duties. It was a hot mess. I was a hot mess.
A couple of weeks in, I broke. I was super frustrated that my son was missing key details on school assignments. While talking to him about what was going on, his eyes filled with tears. He admitted that he didn’t understand email which a few of his teachers had been using to supplement details on assignments given in Google classroom.
Email, you guys. Of course he didn’t! What kid his age had been taught how to work an inbox?
It seemed like such a simple thing, but it truly broke me. If he was having issues with email, what else was he struggling with? I felt like a terrible mom for not knowing.
After crying in my closet and lamenting my next move, I called a meeting with my kiddos to talk through an idea I had for the Command Center. It was the best idea I could come up with in the moment. Ultimately, it was a winning one.
For weeks after that chat, we met at our dining room table every day at 8:30am to prepare for their afternoon classes. Except for Wednesdays when their school schedule shifted to the mornings. (With all of the odd schedules I was balancing, I can’t believe I kept most of this together.)
The kids worked on school and I worked on work. We each had our laptops, notebooks, and planners. I was able to spend a few minutes here and there guiding them through new habits, like checking and answering emails, organizing school assignments, understanding due dates, etc.
Questions were relatively easy to answer since we were in the same space. We were no longer yelling at each other down the hall and I wasn’t having to waste my time running room-to-room helping with issues.
Not to mention, all of this turned out to be an oddly good bonding experience for the three of us.
When we were finished with our work, we’d head out to separate spaces to handle music practice, PE assignments, and Zoom sessions. When one of my kids was nervous about a quiz or test, they would join me for their class session in my office while I worked. We found that just being near each other helped with our emotional well-being.
Establishing a new daily routine through the Command Center idea helped bring a sense of normalcy and control back to our lives. It helped keep our emotions grounded. Because we knew what to expect, we were happier and less stressed. It was a game changer.
After several months, the Command Center became a thing of the past. We grew past it and moved on. The kids felt more situated and their grades had improved. #winning
Distance learning hasn’t been all bad.
My little unit has grown increasingly close. We have learned to rely on each other for stability and strength. Our communication (though far from perfect) improves every day. And dare I say that I have a teen and a tween who are learning so much about accountability. My heart is swelling with pride like you don’t even know.
And humor, you guys… Humor and play are back in our house. After all that work on a computer, we all need the release. There’s joking and chasing and scaring each other. It’s loud and raucous and I love it.
You know that pain you get in your jaw and neck from laughing so hard? I’ve been getting that again. I never knew that pain could make me so happy.
And let me not forget the hugging. Those of you who Zoom with me often have gotten quite used to the turnstile of kids and pups who show up unannounced not for snacks, complaints, or problems… but for a hug. Even the teen is swinging in for a hug. It’s wonderful.
The moral of the corona story for my family is this. We have everything we could possibly need right here in our home. We are grateful for our health, the love that we give unconditionally to each other, the roof over our heads, and that safe and cozy feeling we get when we’re together.
This has surely not just been a season of sadness, loneliness, and frustration. It’s also been a season of learning, exploring, pivoting, coming together, gratitude, and love.
This is what I want to remember.
P.S. Teachers, I will be forever grateful for you and all that you do for our kids. You are amazing beings. I see how hard this season has been on all of you, too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Last night I went to bed with the best intentions. I had visions of myself getting up early, busting it all out during my virtual workout, then settling down for a focused day of work. I fell asleep peacefully.
At the sound of my alarm, my body tensed into an anxious ball. Tears began to flow down my face. I knew in an instant, this was not going to be the day I envisioned it would be.
I laid in bed for a while, letting the chaos of my thoughts race through my head.
Heavy feelings can have a tendency to throw me off track, sometimes for an entire day. I have to work so hard to calm that part of me so that I may enjoy the day, rather than to succumb to the dark side of it.
On a good day, I’ll jump out of bed, acknowledge my feelings, accept them, and then get to work. On a bad day, I’ll hide. I burrow myself deeper into my comforter, grab my mobile, and search for answers.
The latter is seriously the worst habit ever. And we all know it.
Our mobile holds no answers. Worse? The news and social media accounts that we are drawn to do nothing but make us anxious, agitated, and feeling like we have no control.
So what do we do?
The only thing we can do. Live. Feel our feelings. Be present. Enjoy the moments that are in front of us right now. Put down our devices and realize that there are so many other better things to do that get caught up in other people’s drama.
During the hard times, it’s all about grace. And by this, I mean, giving grace to yourself! There are days that we aren’t going to bounce out of bed right away, and that’s ok. BUT we can certainly resist the urge to hide.
Give yourself a few quiet moments to collect yourself. Take the time to close your eyes and envision the type of day that you want. Breathe deeply. When you open your eyes, count to three. Then slide yourself on out of that bed. You have people to see, things to do, and a life to live.
No matter how we wake up, here’s what I know. We are more than capable of changing our mindset. We can take a bad moment and turn it into a positive one. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m saying we can. Why? Because we are powerful that way!
If you need a little help with that positive mind-shift, use the beings that exist around you for a little extra motivation. Enter, my sweet chocolate lab, Lilo. I will get up every day of the week for her. And she knows it.
It’s more than time that we start making the most of our mornings. Let’s make it our mission to get up each day driven with all the determination and spirit we can muster to kick ass as soon as our feet hit that floor.
Cause I know we can do this. And we can do it together.
