Parenting

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how hard this season has been. Especially for us working mamas.

If you’re lucky, the only thing that you are challenged with right now is maneuvering safely and sanely through the restrictions surrounding our current pandemic.

I say lucky with heavy sarcasm.

I’m going to guess that 99% of you are more like me. These past twelve months included a variety of hideous events that rocked us in ways we didn’t think possible. COVID-19, wildfires, hurricanes, wind storms, dust storms, extreme weather, power outages, job losses, deaths, murder hornets (murder hornets!!), and the list continues.

We know that when it rains, it pours. However, in 2020, the pour felt torrential and never-ending.

Because that wasn’t enough and because we love the torture (again… heavy sarcasm here)… enter distance learning.

By far, distance learning has been one of the hardest experiences of my parenting life. Just when I feel like I have a handle on the situation, I stumble and fall right back into a rut. As a genetically-blessed anxious being, ruts are not where it’s at for me.

Up and down. Sideways and under. No wonder its called the coronacoaster.

Watching my children struggle was like having my heart ripped out over and over and over again. Our emotions echoed the motions of coaster… Extreme highs, tormenting lows, and meh moments in between.

Then there was work. Running my own business in the middle of a pandemic, while supporting my kids through their distance learning journeys.

I’m not going to candy coat this. It has been an utter and complete shit-show. Not only am I exhausted, there are long periods of time where I feel completely unmotivated and tremendously sad as I feel my creative light wane.

I’m sure I’m not alone when I share that my business suffered. My clients’ budgets were slashed which left little to no room for hiring consultants like myself. My existing contracts were cut in half or eliminated completely.

I was so stressed and felt completely alone.

In the midst of trying to figure out how to pivot my business while my husband was called to work long hours outside of our home, I was left balancing distance learning, kid activities, house chores, and pet duties. It was a hot mess. I was a hot mess.

A couple of weeks in, I broke. I was super frustrated that my son was missing key details on school assignments. While talking to him about what was going on, his eyes filled with tears. He admitted that he didn’t understand email which a few of his teachers had been using to supplement details on assignments given in Google classroom.

Email, you guys. Of course he didn’t! What kid his age had been taught how to work an inbox?

It seemed like such a simple thing, but it truly broke me. If he was having issues with email, what else was he struggling with? I felt like a terrible mom for not knowing.

After crying in my closet and lamenting my next move, I called a meeting with my kiddos to talk through an idea I had for the Command Center. It was the best idea I could come up with in the moment. Ultimately, it was a winning one.

For weeks after that chat, we met at our dining room table every day at 8:30am to prepare for their afternoon classes. Except for Wednesdays when their school schedule shifted to the mornings. (With all of the odd schedules I was balancing, I can’t believe I kept most of this together.)

The kids worked on school and I worked on work. We each had our laptops, notebooks, and planners. I was able to spend a few minutes here and there guiding them through new habits, like checking and answering emails, organizing school assignments, understanding due dates, etc.

Questions were relatively easy to answer since we were in the same space. We were no longer yelling at each other down the hall and I wasn’t having to waste my time running room-to-room helping with issues.

Not to mention, all of this turned out to be an oddly good bonding experience for the three of us.

When we were finished with our work, we’d head out to separate spaces to handle music practice, PE assignments, and Zoom sessions. When one of my kids was nervous about a quiz or test, they would join me for their class session in my office while I worked. We found that just being near each other helped with our emotional well-being.

Establishing a new daily routine through the Command Center idea helped bring a sense of normalcy and control back to our lives. It helped keep our emotions grounded. Because we knew what to expect, we were happier and less stressed. It was a game changer.

After several months, the Command Center became a thing of the past. We grew past it and moved on. The kids felt more situated and their grades had improved. #winning

Distance learning hasn’t been all bad.

My little unit has grown increasingly close. We have learned to rely on each other for stability and strength. Our communication (though far from perfect) improves every day. And dare I say that I have a teen and a tween who are learning so much about accountability. My heart is swelling with pride like you don’t even know.

And humor, you guys… Humor and play are back in our house. After all that work on a computer, we all need the release. There’s joking and chasing and scaring each other. It’s loud and raucous and I love it.

You know that pain you get in your jaw and neck from laughing so hard? I’ve been getting that again. I never knew that pain could make me so happy.

And let me not forget the hugging. Those of you who Zoom with me often have gotten quite used to the turnstile of kids and pups who show up unannounced not for snacks, complaints, or problems… but for a hug. Even the teen is swinging in for a hug. It’s wonderful.

The moral of the corona story for my family is this. We have everything we could possibly need right here in our home. We are grateful for our health, the love that we give unconditionally to each other, the roof over our heads, and that safe and cozy feeling we get when we’re together.

This has surely not just been a season of sadness, loneliness, and frustration. It’s also been a season of learning, exploring, pivoting, coming together, gratitude, and love.

This is what I want to remember.

P.S. Teachers, I will be forever grateful for you and all that you do for our kids. You are amazing beings. I see how hard this season has been on all of you, too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.